March 2011
People who think Depression is a choice, take a second to think. How would it feel to wake up and not have the emotional strength to face people. To think that time is just passing by with no real reason. To feel so alone even when you are sitting in a room full of people. To have to put on a face and hide your feelings because no one would care anyway. To lose friends because you can't find the strength to go out and you can't physically be 'happy'. To cry yourself to sleep, hoping you wouldn't wake up then when you do you are exhausted from the night before, and it all starts again. You try to hide your feelings hoping no one would notice and if you slip up all you get called is attention seeking and 'emo'. Now tell me why someone would choose that? Depression is an illness, not a choice.
Surprised by Joy
Surprised by joy - impatient as the Wind
I turned to share the transport - Oh! with whom
But Thee, deep buried in the silent tomb,
That spot which no vicissitude can find?
Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind -
But how could I forget thee? Through what power,
Even for the least division of an hour,
Have I been so beguiled as to be blind
To my grievous loss! - That thought’s return
Was the worst pang that sorrow ever bore,
Save one, one only, when I stood forlorn,
Knowing my heart’s best treasure was no more;
That neither present time, nor years unborn
Could to my sight that heavenly face restore.
- Surprised by Joy , by William Wordsworth
A day in the life...
I feel I should post more personal ramblings here. Maybe my followers would like to get to know me better? I shall do so anyway, regardless of what you all may want, ha! :P
Today it was Saturday. Most of it was spent cleaning my bedroom. Seriously, I feel like I’m on the TV show Hoarders, it’s so bad! I’ve given away 4 huge bags of clothes so far, but I feel like I still have too many clothes! Rrggh! I just couldn’t bring myself to throw out all my cute t-shirts. :(
After that I worked on my essay for my Russian History class. The class itself is about war and revolution from 1893 to 1953, if I remember correctly. We have to do two essays and an exam. The first essay is only 1500 words and I chose the topic “Was Lenin a tyrant?”. I think, though he did some good things such as health care and education, he was overall a tyrant, at least by the very definition of the word. I’m thinking about covering the October Revolution, Russian Civil War, formation of the Cheka, the Red Terror, Decoassackization, famine of 1921 and the Tambov Rebellion. I think that’s all I’ll be able to cover. Anything else I should look into, or do you disagree with him being a tyrant? I’m off to the library tomorrow. :D
Erm, yes I guess that’s about it. I spent much of the evening reading about Percy Bysshe Shelley, Mary Shelley, Ada Lovelace and Lord Byron. Also, listening to classical music in the car with my fiance. I’m such a wanker!
